I just watched this documentary "Hungry For Change" and it really opened my eyes to what I am doing to my body. Things need to change, I need to change and my habits need to change. The movie does bring up some very good points about certain foods, chemicals/additives/manmade/processedcrap, like; MSG, free glutamates, aspartame, high fructose syrups, hydrogenated oils, isolates etc. It explains why these are harmful and unnatural and it is all very compelling. I did find out some scary things about the food products I have been some how been living off of for quite a while.
It's a vicious addictive cycle that I am stuck in and literally my body is addicted too. I want to break this dependency on the un nutritious and unneeded food in my life and get healthy. I'm going to do it, I am buying a juicer to make healthy "green" drinks, I am going to be wiser about the choices I make and look further into ingredients. I am going to be healthy and happy, but still allow my self to accept that I work full time, have a husband who wont eat my "healthy" food, and may not be able to 100% percent give up processed food and my beloved diet sodas but I will work on it. I will get better, I will help myself!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Here I go again...
My body issues and weight definitely started in school and blossomed from there as my life progressed.
The end of elementary school was when life started to change for me and probably a lot of the kids my age. This was about the time that my classmates seemed to be in the process of forming cliques. The "popular" kids were slowly becoming this new brand of school kids, they themselves weren't really sure who they were but it was obvious things were changing. No longer would everyone be friends with all their classmates. This was the beginning of a whole new school atmosphere.
Middle School was really when my awareness of the evil fat became apparent. Most of my friends, including my self at the beginning of 7th grade were at a completely healthy weight. Yet we all started in on the "I'm so fat"and "I'm so gross", all the self deprecating talk. We needed reassurance and confirmation that we were okay, body dysmorphia was also a factor.
I was never one of the popular kids and I had no desire to be one either. I was a very shy kid who never really paid much attention to what others thought. I wore what I wanted (neon colors and bike shorts, it was the 90's!), listened to the same music as my parents, and still even believed in Santa. Until about 5th grade, I gradually started having anxiety about what others thought. I had become aware of peer judgement.This anxiety grew along with me. The older I got, the more I was concerned about the thoughts around me.
I never began to put on an unhealthy amount of weight until the end of 7th grade. This was the time that my father was diagnosed with a reoccurring brain tumor. He had surgery the next year along with chemotherapy. From here I steadily put on weight into high school. I went from being 140 pound tall girl to almost a 200 pound fat girl. I was concerned about my weight since I always had a hard time finding clothes that I could "hide" my fat in, but I still gained.
My father ended up going on Hospice the summer before my Junior year and he passed in the Fall. Much of the time around that I really don't remember anything about my weight or even how I felt about it, my focus was on my dying Dad. I know we had tons of food brought to our house and ate a lot of sweets. But most of that time is just a blur and faded memory.
By the end of my Senior year I had lost some weight I was down to about 40 pounds and weighed around 160. This was probably due to stress but some was because I was mildly practicing Weight Watchers. Soon after I graduated I moved to Santa Cruz to go to college. My cousin and I lived together and were hardcore into Weight Watchers now.
I had gotten to a low weight of 135 by my second semester of college. To this day that is the lowest weight I had ever been at and I could fit into a 4/6! This marked the first low in my crazy weight loss roller coaster ride. In the 9 years since I reached the 135 pounds I've lost more family, had a few stressful family conflicts, moved 5 times, had 3 different jobs, changed my major, and most recently gotten married. Through all that I've also been up to 180 pounds down to 150 back up to 170 and down to 150 and all over in between. I'm sad to say that I am currently inching my way closer to the 200 pound point once again, about 5 pounds away right now.
With the completely cliche weight loss New Years resolution (a couple of days late) here I go, I'm doing this right this time!
The end of elementary school was when life started to change for me and probably a lot of the kids my age. This was about the time that my classmates seemed to be in the process of forming cliques. The "popular" kids were slowly becoming this new brand of school kids, they themselves weren't really sure who they were but it was obvious things were changing. No longer would everyone be friends with all their classmates. This was the beginning of a whole new school atmosphere.
Middle School was really when my awareness of the evil fat became apparent. Most of my friends, including my self at the beginning of 7th grade were at a completely healthy weight. Yet we all started in on the "I'm so fat"and "I'm so gross", all the self deprecating talk. We needed reassurance and confirmation that we were okay, body dysmorphia was also a factor.
I was never one of the popular kids and I had no desire to be one either. I was a very shy kid who never really paid much attention to what others thought. I wore what I wanted (neon colors and bike shorts, it was the 90's!), listened to the same music as my parents, and still even believed in Santa. Until about 5th grade, I gradually started having anxiety about what others thought. I had become aware of peer judgement.This anxiety grew along with me. The older I got, the more I was concerned about the thoughts around me.
I never began to put on an unhealthy amount of weight until the end of 7th grade. This was the time that my father was diagnosed with a reoccurring brain tumor. He had surgery the next year along with chemotherapy. From here I steadily put on weight into high school. I went from being 140 pound tall girl to almost a 200 pound fat girl. I was concerned about my weight since I always had a hard time finding clothes that I could "hide" my fat in, but I still gained.
My father ended up going on Hospice the summer before my Junior year and he passed in the Fall. Much of the time around that I really don't remember anything about my weight or even how I felt about it, my focus was on my dying Dad. I know we had tons of food brought to our house and ate a lot of sweets. But most of that time is just a blur and faded memory.
By the end of my Senior year I had lost some weight I was down to about 40 pounds and weighed around 160. This was probably due to stress but some was because I was mildly practicing Weight Watchers. Soon after I graduated I moved to Santa Cruz to go to college. My cousin and I lived together and were hardcore into Weight Watchers now.
I had gotten to a low weight of 135 by my second semester of college. To this day that is the lowest weight I had ever been at and I could fit into a 4/6! This marked the first low in my crazy weight loss roller coaster ride. In the 9 years since I reached the 135 pounds I've lost more family, had a few stressful family conflicts, moved 5 times, had 3 different jobs, changed my major, and most recently gotten married. Through all that I've also been up to 180 pounds down to 150 back up to 170 and down to 150 and all over in between. I'm sad to say that I am currently inching my way closer to the 200 pound point once again, about 5 pounds away right now.
With the completely cliche weight loss New Years resolution (a couple of days late) here I go, I'm doing this right this time!
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